Breaking News Flash
Stunning Israeli satellite images reveal Hezbollah’s latest secret weapon. Pictures appear to show the latest ICBM (Inter-Continental Bullshit Missile) known as the Hezbollah “Habibi” -Mark 17b. Estimated as having an effective rage of around 15 feet (4.6 metres), this supersonic stealth missile is of great concern to the Israel government, along with it’s allies. Retired weapons expert and owner of “Milty’s Kosher Deli and Matzo Emporium”, Milton Slotnick, told the Israel Times that he was shocked and surprised at the sophistication of this advanced weaponry. “It is exactly what we have warned about with regards to Iran trying to develop a nuclear device using “Glow-in-the dark” paint from a Timex watch. These terrorist will stop at nothing. Try the Chicken soup.”
In a recent comment from the White House, President Obama said, “Let me be clear. We, as Israel’s premier supported and major funder, using American’s hard earned tax dollars, will not idly stand by and allow the terrorist organization Hezbollah to stockpile these weapons-of-mass-desperation (WMD’s). Israel has every right to self-defence and it is immaterial that Hezbollah is reacting to Israeli aggression. Just because Israel created Hamas in order to sabotage any peace negations on behalf of the PLO is not important.”
Former President, George “Double-Yah” Bush, famous for his statement, “We have prevailed”, said in an interview with FUX NEWS, that he was very disappointed with this latest developments. When asked by reporter Anderson Pooper to comment, he responded; “…er, fool me, er…twice, sorry once…and shame on you…no, …er me. Fool me twice and then the shame that is or was on me, is then on…you. Oh, fuck! Whatever! Laura…where’s my brain?” Mr. Bush is recovering nicely.
The Israeli President made a passionate plea today when addressing the United Nations. In it, he reinforced Israel’s commitment to détente and negotiations. His most poignant statements was … “Help us or we will blow the planet to fuck!” He went on to say: “We can assure our critics 100% that these deadly rockets are NOT made out of cardboard toilet-tube rolls…honest, and cross my heart.”
Hezbollah “Habibi” -Mark 17b. Power: Solid-state fertilizer/chicken shit propulsion. Range: 15 to 20 ft. Height: 42 feet (approximation calculated on the average height of the Elvis look-a-like terrorists working on the rocket captured in this spy footage. Please note the three insurgents wearing fireproof gold suits. This proves that Hezbollah numbers in the billions and this information is as reliable as Colin Powell’s speech regarding “Weapons of Mass Destruction” in Iraq.
Reporting from Washington: Dick Lipshitz, FUX NEWS. “You can always trust FUX”
Disclaimer: For anyone with an IQ below room temperature, this is known as satire.